Is this the most hated person in your household at 7pm? He is in ours. The rudeness of just barging in claiming to care about your day and who you are all for the sake of a sale. I loathe this phenomena and mostly just hang up as soon as they start to introduce themselves.

However, my personal campaign is to waste their precious time and money now as payment for their rudeness and interruption to my life. So I've set about trying a few ways to administer justice on these irreverent nuisances and compiled a list of responses that will ensure that you stop receiving telemarketing calls.

1. When asked "How are you?", tell them. They're obviously interested to know otherwise they wouldn't ask the question. I prefer to be more specific than general so that they get a better picture of how my life's travelling. Make sure you inform them of important details such as the effect of your mother's ancestry, the time you were cheated on by an ex-lover, how that STD is now healing and what the neighbours now think off your naked dancing on the front verge during the spring equinox.
2. Remember that the phone is a vital communication tool. Therefore, practice your new-found interaction skills on them and ask them a few leading questions. Encouraging them to share can help future dialogue so start of with a few ice-breakers like "If you were the only person on a desert island, what 10 things would you like to have with you?". Make sure you get their telephone number as well so that you can continue building this relationship.
3. Before they start their spiel ask if you can pray with them. I find this can really set the tone for the rest of the conversation.
4. Be upfront and inform them of your Tourette Syndrome.
5. Practise your breathing exercises. Heavy breathing is great for the cardio-vascular system so take a few moments to exhale loudly.
6. If your second language classes are progressing well, take this opportunity to try it out with this person. Who knows? They may be from the exact Kenyan tribe and understand your dialect very well.
7. Run a test on your telephone receiver to ensure the person can hear you properly. Over time dust and small particles can clog up the reciever so start the process by blowing these out. A couple of short bursts should be enough. Next, scream as loud as you can and check that the telemarketer heard it clearly. Try this a couple of times before practicing your low-range whispering sounds. If all seems fine, then continue the dialogue. I find it's better to try this procedure a few times during the conversation.
8. Try singing your answers. Or better still practice role-playing. This is great if you're a practising thespian.
9. Ask the telemarketer their views on some of the more controversial topics at the moment. I find that asking "whether homosexual couples should adopt children" is always a good starter.
10. Pretend you're not there. Once you've answered the phone, begin whispering to a third party that you think the Fed's are onto you and the phone may be bugged. Totally ignore the teemarketer until they hang up.

I hope these help you as much as they have me and I look forward to hearing your suggestions as well.